The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize