Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
