I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
