Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
