gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
