Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
