I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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