Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
