please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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