you guys were way drunker than both of me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
