4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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