I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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