You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
