Plan B is the new Plan A
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
