happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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