I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
