How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
