I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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