if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
