I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
