Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
