quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
