i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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