so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
