Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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