youre lurking in front of me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
