I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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