ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
