i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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