I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
