Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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