my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
