why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
