OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
