If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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