Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
did i just pee glitter
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
