My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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