My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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