Need sex. Gaining weight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
