Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
