i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
