they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
