Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
