rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
