Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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