when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
