i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
