I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
