i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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