I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
