I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
