Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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