her vagine was all disorganized.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
