i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize