so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
