So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize