U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
