your thong is hanging out like whoa
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
