i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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