Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
