two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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