Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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