My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think i got beer on your cat.
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