I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize