Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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