lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
