goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this beer tastes like vomit already
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
