she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
