I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
