We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
